Back to the past

I wonder if it is possible to change back to what one used to be. I so wish I could be Miika from 2008 or 2009 again. He was a nice guy who wanted to know people and was pretty much happy and excited about things.

Now I'm not even close of being that guy. It bothers me but I guess that is what life does to people. Maybe I will have the same qualities later on but I guess I'll never be the same guy again. What a shame :/

Ho ho ho

Well it's Christmas time again. Luckily it doesn't really mean anything more for me than a three-day weekend at this point. Christmas spirit is pretty far from my mind but that's alright. Maybe it'll come back when/if I have kids some day.

I would like to bitch about women but maybe it's not wise to do so in this state of mind. Guess I have to forget everything I thought I knew about them and maybe become a monk or something. Life would be so much easier that way.

Well anyway happy holidays if you have the spirit to celebrate. I really don't.
Hopefully next post would be about something nice instead of bitching all the time but I can't help it at the moment.

The waiting game

My life is now pretty much just waiting. I'm waiting for the spring, to figure out an idea for my thesis, to care about things again, to see what my life will become and so on. It's not the best way to live I can tell you but it's the best I can get out of myself right about now.

C'mon spring. Get here already

Work, music and Maisa. The only three things keeping me sane at the moment. Autumn really isn't my time.

Misspoken

Addition/correction to last nights post, I don't necessarily get crushes on the wrong people per se, just on people with whom there's a good chance that nothing is ever going to happen. And since I'm a dreamer at some things, I keep feeding myself "lies" and thus prolonging my illusion.

Well well, welcome to hell

Well not really. I just seem to have this great gift of making myself miserable from time to time and now is one of those times. Let's just say I get crushes on totally wrong people and have to pay the price for that. Worst part is that this could go on for a while and there's nothing I can really do about it. Well I guess it's part of being a human and stuff like that :P

Otherwise nothing worth mentioning has really happened. Training period still continues and consumes most of my time. Funny thing is that I don't have the urge to drink so much anymore. Guess we'll have to wait and see if that changes when school continues again and I could drink on weekdays too if I want to.

Well hope I can get some more interesting stuff for you next time but I doubt it :P

Chances

Sometimes I get this feeling that I should take more chances and do something with my life instead of just going with the flow. The feeling can come from a book, song, movie, other people or just somewhere randomly. I have lived my life pretty safe and I can't remember when I took a chance last time with anything. Sometimes I envy the people who can live in the moment since I very rarely do that myself. I pretty much rely on reasoning and with low selfesteem it's pretty much fail all around :P

Still I'm pretty happy with my life but sometimes I get the feeling that something is missing and it's usually at that point that I get the feeling that I should take more chances and actually "live" a little. I guess some people take more chances naturally than others but I wonder if one can teach themself to take more chances. I guess time will tell at least in my case.

By the way sorry for not posting anything after the first one but I'm pretty lazy when it comes to blogging so the time between posts can vary quite a bit. But that's all from me for today. It's 4.30 am already so I guess I will be heading to bed now.

Well well

I have been thinking of starting a blog in english for a while now but today is the day I actually make it happen. There's going to be mostly useless stuff here that just pops in to my head and updates about my life to some degree. I probably won't be going into too much detail with some of the stuff because I will have a link to this in my Facebook page. Also there are bound to be typos since english isn't my native language, but hopefully you can get the point anyway. And I'm not sure how often I'm going to update this. It has been over a month since I last updated my finnish blog until today so there might be longer gaps between posts.

Anyway I'm going to start this thing off by introducing myself a little. I'm 23 years old and I'm studying to become a librarian at the moment. I don't have very exciting life and I have low selfesteem which comes up sometimes. Right now I'm in practical training on a public library which keeps me quite busy during the days. What else... I live alone with my cat Maisa and I have been drinking a little :P That's all I can think at this point but hopefully I have something more to talk about later on.