The sound of silence

I still don't have much motivation to write anything here because I don't really know what to write about. Life is still pretty much the same for me although I'm getting a bit excited that the autumn is pretty much gone and days are starting to become longer and stuff like that. I have been in quite a crappy place mentally during this autumn, but I'm hoping to snap out of it when there's more light and spring starts to arrive :)

I got contract extension for my part-time job so that's nice :) The new contract lasts until the end of April and hopefully I will graduate in March so I could actually start thinking my next move. I have done all the required courses (and couple extra ones too) so all I'd have to do is my thesis. Even that shouldn't be that bad once I find motivation somewhere.

Christmas is almost here as well and this time I'll be going to Helsinki to see my sister, parents and some other relatives as well. Haven't seen them in quite a while so it should be fun :) But I guess this is it for now. Happy holidays and enjoy life :)

Here's my favourite Christmas song (and I specially love this version of it). It's not too happy song but I still think it's beautiful :)



And here are the lyrics in English just in case anyone actually listens to it and wants to know :P

A Sparrow On Christmas Morning

The snow has already covered the flowers in the valley, the wave of the lake frozen in the winter cold.
A little sparrow, eaten it's summer food, the wave of the lake frozen in the winter cold.

On the stairs of a little cottage was a dear girl: come, sparrow, happily, take a seed from me!
It is Christmas, my poor homeless sparrow, come here happily, take a seed from me!

To the girl now happily flew the dear sparrow: thankfully a seed I will take from you.
God will want to reward you one day. Thankfully a seed I will take from you!

I am not, my child, a bird from this land, I am your little brother, I came from heaven.
The little seed, that you gave to the poor, got your little brother from the land of angels.

Life

Life is f*****g brilliant :P

Nallekarkit

Sorry for not writing but I keep blanking out trying to come up with stuff to write about. If you have any topics you would like to hear my opinion about, feel free to comment and let me know :)

Living in the moment

Why is it so hard for some people to live in the moment? Since I'm one of those people, I'm not really sure if it's a good or a bad thing to live in the moment, but I think it would make life more fun if nothing else. I don't think I have ever been a person who could live life to the fullest and all that. I just tend to think ahead and stress about stuff and so forth.

At the moment it comes across with my studies. No surprise here, my thesis still isn't progressing and part of the reason is that I'm lazy and stuff like that but part of it is also that I think about the future and what I want to do after I graduate. So far I don't have a clue. And that is part of the reason why I dodge doing schoolwork, because if I do it, I will graduate and then what? It comes back to being afraid of the unknown I guess, but I won't go into it this time. But it's stupid to think about what I want to do after I graduate since I have the rest of my life to think about it afterwards, but for some reason I can't help it.

Now the living in the moment part has come across earlier in my life as well. To some degree I think it's one of the (many) reasons I'm still single for example. I just keep thinking about what will happen the next day, the next week or even years from now and while sometimes it can be a good thing, while trying to live in the moment, too much thinking can also screw things up for you. I think that only times, that I have been able to live in the moment, I have been drunk, which is sad, and it hasn't always happened even then.

I remember a while back (okay it was last year or something like that) I wrote on my finnish blog how I would like to live in the moment. "To dance with the music and live without inhibitions even for a while, but my brain won't let me do it." Well few weeks back I went to see a band I like a lot and, well I wasn't exactly dancing, but I was in the front just hopping around, enjoying the music and the energy and making a fool out of myself and it was just great :) For a while there I really was living in the moment and I loved every minute of it. Now the question remains, how can I get those moments more often?

If anyone out there has any ideas, I'd love to hear them :)

Anyway, I guess I should get to bed and try to start working on my thesis and worry about the future later on. Not sure if that will happen but one can always hope.

And by the way, the band was Wedding Crashers and they have awesome live gigs :)

Nothing new here

Hmm. Life is quite boring at the moment. Nothing new really happens and my thesis isn't progressing either. Still, or maybe because of that, I have found myself getting stressed out which isn't really helping. At the moment it's certain that I won't be graduating in time and I'm not really sure when I will actually graduate. With this "momentum" it might take a while, but I'm hoping I'll get through this phase at some point. The autumn isn't really lifting up my spirits either and I hate that it's getting darker and darker outside.

I have come across people posting these inspirational pictures and stuff like that. I'm sure you know the stuff. "Do what you love and don't take any bs from others" and stuff like that. They are in theory a nice idea, but everytime I see them nowadays, I just keep thinking "It doesn't really work like that in real life, does it?". Maybe I'm just pessimistic or something but I can't really help it at the moment.

Third thing at the moment would be the lack of love life. It's not like I have had very active love life earlier either, but there doesn't seem to be anyone in my life that I seems interesting like that. I'm sure it's partly the stress and partly my own fault since I'm not really even looking because of my current mood. Still it would be nice to find someone to be interested in, even if it wouldn't go anywhere. It just adds that something to life and makes it seem more fun. It's kind of funny that it could be the thing to snap me out of this current state of mind, and this state of mind could be the reason it's not going to happen. Oh well. I guess time will tell.

I'm still not sure what I'd want to do after I graduate at some point and I have been playing with the idea of moving somewhere abroad for a while, but I'm pretty sure I will be too lazy to actually do it :P But ending with happier note, I still love working part-time at the library here :) Workdays are usually the best days of the week for now. Let's just hope I can get some of that love into my studies soon as well :)

Asking for advice

This is just a quick question for the possible readers. Any ideas how to get excited about the future? Or at least to stop "being afraid" of it?

What about all the good stuff?

How come it's much easier to concentrate on the bad stuff in your life than all the good stuff? Or is it just about choosing which one to concentrate on? Well anyway it seems that I'm doing it and maybe a bit too much lately. I know my life is pretty good in general, but still I just like to mope about the bad stuff. And not all of it is even bad for certain.

I have some friends who are having problems and for some reason it really bums me out. I guess I shouldn't care that much but I just don't know how to do that yet. The main thing in my own life that isn't exactly making me happy is my thesis and eventually graduating. I have pretty much avoided doing my thesis so far because after I get it done, I will graduate and then it's end of another era for me. For the last three years I have had a plan for the future and that was to graduate, but now that it's getting closer it just leads to the unknown again. If I want to get a job in a library, most likely I have to move somewhere and basically start from scratch again. New city, no friends and just the job. And it's not even a sure thing that I would get a job. And I'm not really sure if I really want to work in a library.

I guess one could look at the situation as one full of opportunities, but I just can't seem to get to that state of mind. At least not yet. Well I guess nobody really likes change but it's inevitable and we just have to deal with it.

But there are some good things in my life too. The first two that come to mind are a part-time job which I love and my new baby Iita. She is quite young (about 19 weeks now) and full of energy and life :) Maybe some of it will rub off on me too.

Summer of Miika

Yeah it seems I have somewhat lost interest in updating my blog at least for the time being. Good thing is that there probably aren't too many readers who would be disappointed (feel free to correct me if I'm wrong about that :P). Well anyway I just love the summertime. There is so much light and it's warm and everything. What's not to like really? :) Well appearantly this year the summer didn't like me so much. Only good thing that comes to mind about this summer is that I had summer job working in the Seinäjoki public library which was fun :) Other than that summer just pretty much was irrelevant or at times crappy.

At the beginning there was some relationship stuff that was kind of a bummer and that took the fun out of about the first half of June. Well I guess it's part of life and helps us grow so it's alright now :) Then I actually got some good news since my boss from the library called and wanted me to come work for two extra weeks there to cover for a guy so the rest of the June was pretty okay. Until June 29th when my cat ran away.

Now I know that some people don't like animals that much but I love animals (well most of them anyway) so that sucked big time. During July I got couple of calls that people had seen her close to where I live and I was really hoping to get her back. Well that hope died on the July 29th. I was working and I started to get calls which I couldn't really answer since I was working but then couple of people send me text messages saying that there is a dead cat on the side of a road who looks like my cat and I knew that there's no point hoping anymore. So after working for six hours I finally got off work and went to see if it was really my cat and unfortunately it was her. I'm not sure what actually killed her since she didn't look like she had gotten hit by a car but I guess we'll never know. Well I buried her and hope that she rests in peace now.

Then August began and I spent the first week working and then my summer job ended. Then there was another relationship incident where I got rejected but that wasn't that bad. Other than that days have just pretty much gone by and I should start thinking about school again.

One good thing that happened recently was that I got offered a part-time job at the library for the autumn which is pretty nice thing :) Soon I should start working on my thesis (which I will do as soon as I'll find motivation for it :P) so I might actually graduate some day.

Anyway that was a sum up of my summer. I hope you had better summer than me :) Next stop would be autumn, which is my least favourite of the four seasons, so I'm not exactly looking forward to it but we'll see what life has in store for me next. Maybe I remember to update this blog more often or something. But until next time I wish you all happy rest of the summer :)

Silent night, boring night

It has again been a while since I last wrote something here. Just nothing really worth mentioning has happened and my mind has been somewhere else so I haven't come up with anything. This spring has mostly been about school and work but now that came to an end for a while since friday was the last day of school for now. I managed to get all my schoolwork done this week and had two exams this week which I'm pretty sure I failed but oh well.

Sometimes life can surprise you with situations you never thought you would find yourself in but I guess life's not supposed to be all fun and games. Well I guess it's a learning experience and I can grow as a person or something. Anyway I don't really have any plans for the summer expect for one month when I'm working in library which should be fun. Other than that, I'm just waiting to see how long it takes before my sleep pattern gets screwed up again.

I got to mention that Finland has just qualified for the final in hockey world championship tournament. If Finland actually would win the championship, hockey fans would go nuts in here. On sunday we'll see how it turns out :)

Wow

It has been a while since I last posted something here. Life has just been kinda same old shit and I haven't come up with anything worth mentioning. For some reason this has been pretty crappy day at least inside my head and I don't know why. Well I guess everyone has these days at some point.

Tomorrow I have a first exam in almost a year. Haven't bothered to study yet but I guess I have to flip through the material soon. Not the best state of mind to prepare for an exam but oh well. Maybe tomorrow will be better day.

Happy happy happy

Not really. But it's funny when something in life isn't going your way, how easy it is to forget the good things in life. Or maybe not completely forget them but to concentrate on the thing that isn't working.

From now on, I'll try to concentrate on the good things and think less of other things. Let's see how that goes.

Oh and if anyone actually reads this, if you have something you want to know, don't be afraid to ask.