Living in the moment

Why is it so hard for some people to live in the moment? Since I'm one of those people, I'm not really sure if it's a good or a bad thing to live in the moment, but I think it would make life more fun if nothing else. I don't think I have ever been a person who could live life to the fullest and all that. I just tend to think ahead and stress about stuff and so forth.

At the moment it comes across with my studies. No surprise here, my thesis still isn't progressing and part of the reason is that I'm lazy and stuff like that but part of it is also that I think about the future and what I want to do after I graduate. So far I don't have a clue. And that is part of the reason why I dodge doing schoolwork, because if I do it, I will graduate and then what? It comes back to being afraid of the unknown I guess, but I won't go into it this time. But it's stupid to think about what I want to do after I graduate since I have the rest of my life to think about it afterwards, but for some reason I can't help it.

Now the living in the moment part has come across earlier in my life as well. To some degree I think it's one of the (many) reasons I'm still single for example. I just keep thinking about what will happen the next day, the next week or even years from now and while sometimes it can be a good thing, while trying to live in the moment, too much thinking can also screw things up for you. I think that only times, that I have been able to live in the moment, I have been drunk, which is sad, and it hasn't always happened even then.

I remember a while back (okay it was last year or something like that) I wrote on my finnish blog how I would like to live in the moment. "To dance with the music and live without inhibitions even for a while, but my brain won't let me do it." Well few weeks back I went to see a band I like a lot and, well I wasn't exactly dancing, but I was in the front just hopping around, enjoying the music and the energy and making a fool out of myself and it was just great :) For a while there I really was living in the moment and I loved every minute of it. Now the question remains, how can I get those moments more often?

If anyone out there has any ideas, I'd love to hear them :)

Anyway, I guess I should get to bed and try to start working on my thesis and worry about the future later on. Not sure if that will happen but one can always hope.

And by the way, the band was Wedding Crashers and they have awesome live gigs :)

Nothing new here

Hmm. Life is quite boring at the moment. Nothing new really happens and my thesis isn't progressing either. Still, or maybe because of that, I have found myself getting stressed out which isn't really helping. At the moment it's certain that I won't be graduating in time and I'm not really sure when I will actually graduate. With this "momentum" it might take a while, but I'm hoping I'll get through this phase at some point. The autumn isn't really lifting up my spirits either and I hate that it's getting darker and darker outside.

I have come across people posting these inspirational pictures and stuff like that. I'm sure you know the stuff. "Do what you love and don't take any bs from others" and stuff like that. They are in theory a nice idea, but everytime I see them nowadays, I just keep thinking "It doesn't really work like that in real life, does it?". Maybe I'm just pessimistic or something but I can't really help it at the moment.

Third thing at the moment would be the lack of love life. It's not like I have had very active love life earlier either, but there doesn't seem to be anyone in my life that I seems interesting like that. I'm sure it's partly the stress and partly my own fault since I'm not really even looking because of my current mood. Still it would be nice to find someone to be interested in, even if it wouldn't go anywhere. It just adds that something to life and makes it seem more fun. It's kind of funny that it could be the thing to snap me out of this current state of mind, and this state of mind could be the reason it's not going to happen. Oh well. I guess time will tell.

I'm still not sure what I'd want to do after I graduate at some point and I have been playing with the idea of moving somewhere abroad for a while, but I'm pretty sure I will be too lazy to actually do it :P But ending with happier note, I still love working part-time at the library here :) Workdays are usually the best days of the week for now. Let's just hope I can get some of that love into my studies soon as well :)